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en's Homepage

Learning To Love (You) Again

I'm trying to teach myself how to love again.
It's a painful process and I'm scared and alone.
Right now, after being with you
Somehow love incorporates your name.

I want to be your friend, be in your life
But we don't seem to be able to manage
My just being your friend
And not being in your bed.

You want me to learn not to care again -
Want me to stay alive without you
At the end of the phone;
Inside my computer screen;
Holding the pen on the paper
(Of the letter you never wrote);
Sitting beside me;
Lying beside me;
Lying inside me
Lying there cold.

How can I be your friend
Without us being 'Just good friends'?
How can I be with you,
And want to be with you,
When I'm not with you
And I'm not even allowed
To want to be with you?
Somehow it's hard to learn to be Yours Truly again,
When all I want is to be yours, truly, again.

And how can I let it win -
The demon in your head -
Without each of us always believing that I let you win,
Losing equality in any relationship
We'll ever have?